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9:03 a.m. mountain time

the US is under attack, planes ramming into the world trade center towers, both of which have collapsed now, and into the pentagon, maybe another in the air, one has crashed in pennsylvania, another near camp david, Vicki woke me up saying “I think you should come out here and watch the news,” I thought Tulsa had been bombed or something, much worse, not much real news to go on except the shock, the TV people are speculating and in shock, very few shots coming in from washington, the new york skyline has changed today — been thinking of all the people I know there, where would they be this morning, melineh’s office building somewhere on the east side, charles in the east village which is now engulfed in smoke — the planes were all hijacked, think of the people in those planes, what they were thinking, incredible video of the second plane hitting the south tower, footage of st. vincent’s hostpital — there’s actually a quandary now about “continuity of government,” where to convene and conduct congrss now since the capitol is evacuated and obviously a target, where to stash the president — cnn reporter trying to relate another collapse and explosion, saying a good samaritan took him in on duane street, I know where that is — the entire southern tip of the island is covered in smoke and dust, my city, I still feel it’s my city, absurd — daniel doesn’t want me going to denver — god the debris that flew all over manhattan — mom and dad so glad i’m not there, people were jumping out of windows, but I *want* to be there — cnn now showing footage from earlier from people of the street, the horror — it’s just began sinking in that this country is under attack — all planes grounded except those in the air, the goal of the ‘93 bombing of the world trade center was to bring those towers down, maybe the same guy, bin-laden? — hey--was clinton in his harlem office this morning? — tom clancy wrote a book about a hijacked plane crashing like this — my god the footage from new york harbor with manhattan shrouded in smoke and the statue of liberty standing defiantly in the harbor, there’s some symbolism, and now the panic of additional attacks, what do I do now?, watch more with vicki, (she called her folks this morning to wish them happy 69th wedding anniversary, then had to tell them to turn on the TV ... on the phone with others I thought she was being melodramatic guffawing that we were under attack, but she’s right), do I still climb the mesa today?

9:31 a.m.

oddly enough fox news has the most up-to-date info, just said police sources report a plane coming up the potomac river at a high rate of speed — brit hume adding that government sources have been quiet and that perhaps this is a nation that needs to hear from its government right now, no shit — my god will bush be able to handle this?, will he be able to make us feel safe?, massive doubts here — american confirms it lost two planes today, one from boston to la and one from dc to la, third one was what?

9:50 a.m.

united is missing a plane, another flight from boston to la was due in la a while ago and is unaccounted for, don’t they have radars all over to track these things? — talked to david, he’s aghast, perfectly understanding of my homing instinct should I decide to head back to tulsa — cnn actually has tom clancy on the phone now — brit hume again pointing out that “this is a nation that has not yet heard from its government” — secret service won’t confirm the location of bush — friend of the roberts’ just stopped by and pointed out that these were smart choices of plane: long distance flights full of lots of fuel — no indiciation yet of any chemical component, that’s the first I thought of looking at all the smoke in manhattan that the smoke might be full of a biological agent — the mexico border has been sealed — I haven’t eaten yet, I’ve got to ask for breakfast...

10:40 a.m.

statement from bush expected soon, apparently he’s been flown to shreveport, la., for some weird reason, I think they should’ve taken him to washington, it’s going to unsettle everyone terribly to see him making a field report from shreveport, but that’s absurd, his safety is more important than our comfort zone right now, even though I think he’s totally unable to handle this and I’d actually rather see a statement from dick cheney — I can’t describe how fucking weird and unsettlign it is to see the footage of new york and not see the world trade center on the skyline — two international flights are headed in from europe and have not responded to the faa order to ground asap — there was no attack at camp david, the plane that went down in penn. possibly was headed there, first shots in on cnn now of that crash, the missing united plane may have been the second plane to hit the world trade — still 50 planes in the skies, think of the psychic impact of this of hitting and destroying or marring these symbollic buildings — I hate to say I still feel cynical about this, the sharks are already circling, two senators on cnn now blaming this on a failure of the intelligence system, actaully just said no. 1 safety of gov. is not education but the safety of american people, and part of me actually wonders if this was a plot by conservative forces to increase military spending and pull us out of recession, absurd I know but not entirely implausible — dying to hear bush’s statement, he has landed at air force base in shreveport, he’d better get his ass on TV soon — the mayoral primaries were scheduled in new york city today, election canceled — pleas for blood donors in new york — now a taliban news conference in kabul afghanistan via video phone on cnn, criticizing the attack ...

11:01 a.m.

if I hear someone use the phrase “day of infamy” one more time I’ll scream, it’s so indicative of our culture, its lack of originality and statesmen prepared to speak eloquently -- and comfortingly -- in these situations

12:05 p.m.

Just finished breakfast, Vicki and I finally had to eat — Bush stopped in shreveport to make a statement, on video, then took off again destination unknown, “Freedom itself was attacked this morning by a faceless coward” he began, he still looked passionless, reading his speech just as he would have read his speech to the educators’ conference in florida this morning — a number of casualties finally came out, 10,000, though that’s a wild estimate and surely quite paltry and optimistic — while bush’s tape rolled on fox news Vicki put her arm around me, “you just don’t think something like this could happen” she said starting to sob, I put my arm around her, we hugged, we finally sat down to eat eggs and toast and bacon, she said a long prayer, thanking god that this world was not our home — I just thought I should call the newsroom and give them Bob Dumont’s number or something — two warships have been dispatched to new york harbor, no transportation in the city, everyone in southern manhattan is having to walk out, footage earlier of the west side highway with its northbound lanes crammed — I’m worried about Melineh, I seem to recall her saying something about a possible job in the trade center, or is my brain running away with this? — desperate pleas for blood donations anywhere in the country — oh yeah: cnn’s talking about tracking the flight paths of these planes and how you can do that on some commercial websites and they’re showing the track of one plane from boston normally over albany and then turning sharply south and heading down the hudson directly to new york — every single commercial plane in the united states is currently on the ground, unprecedented — now I’m really readfy to get out to the mesa and get away from this but I’m not sure I can tear myself away — a passenger locked in a bathroom with a cell phone on the plane that crashed in pennsylvania called air traffic people and shouted that they were being hijacked — d.c. is under lockdown with an “air cap” of fighters, fighters the only planes over nyc too — perhaps I should get out to the mesa, the mesa doesn’t worry about such things ...

5:19 p.m.

Back from the mesa, doesn’t sound like I missed much news, as expected. The same footage is being looped. That plane smashing into the tower is still gut-wrenching. — Every plane in America remains grounded and will stay there until at least noon tomorrow. Southern Manhattan is still smoking, and Building Seven at the trade center has collapsed. The Marriott down there may come down, too. — Damn, the footage from New York now, in that beautiful dusk light that streams across the golden landscape of America, how I miss it, and the smoke is catching it, and it’s so sickeningly beautiful, the most brutal kind of beauty, if that’s not redundant. — Some sort of attack is underway in Kabul, but it’s not us. This is confusing since the Taliban controls the city. — Just as I got back to the house here, Bush landed on the White House lawn. The Secret Service wanted to take him to NORAD; I’m happy he had the resolve to come home and at least look like he means business. He’s due to speak tonight, and Vicki has offered me dinner here so we can all watch. — Now the House and Senate leadership are taking turns at a podium. I’ve been wondering how the Congress especially will deal will this. They have announced Congress will convene tomorrow, and God help the poor souls who have to listen to everyone’s speeches. But with all this rhetoric about this being an act of war, what will they do? I know the Constitution allows us to declare war on nations, but can we declare war against a sect? — The speaker has called for a moment of silence, though it’s awkward because we’re still not even sure for whom we’re mourning. Fuck! And now the entire Congress, gathered wherever they are, is singing “God Bless America.” Oh man. — Ha! Wolf Blitzer’s comment when they finished singing: “A pointed display of bipartisan unity.” — Norman Mineta is on screen now assuring that there will be incredible security at airports when service finally resumes. Thing is, that still won’t prevent what happened today. These attacks could have been carried out without a single gun or bomb or any kind of weapon or contraband. Get a bunch of terrorists on the plane, overwhelm the crew, bust into the cockpit, strangle the pilots, take the controls. Maybe all they needed was a rope. — I’m dying for web access now. I want to see what BBC and others are saying.

7:07 p.m.

Bush was lame, reading from the Teleprompter and showing zero passion for the situation, zero *real* compassion. At least he did state that in the country’s determination to avenge this attack we will make no distinction between the terrorists and the people who harbor them, i.e. Afghanistan. Gonna be some bombing, gar-rawn-teed. — Monty and Vicki made a place at their table for me, and I was grateful. Grateful, too, when they said grace. (Vicki said grace over breakfast, too, thanking God that I was there so that neither of us would have to experience this day alone.) During dinner, as we sat watching TV and talking little, Monty criticized the lack of security that possibly allowed these hijackings to take place, and Vicki jumped in surprisingly challenging him, asking how much freedom he was willing to give up to have this kind of safety. Crazy. — We saw photographs a guy had taken of people leaping from the trade center towers, people way too high to survive a jump, desperate I guess to get out of the burning building. — Earlier today Vicki said she had been thinking about what kind of movie they’ll make about this. I’d had similar thoughts, I must admit, thinking also of the books that will appear and handicapping how long it will take. — I’m exhausted. The hike was tough.

8:22 p.m.

I realized I’ll have to edit my Manhattan travel guide that I was going to post on my web site, namely to remove the listing for the Top of the World cocktail lounge and the second TKTS booth, since both were located in the trade center towers. Then I remembered meeting Brad Absher’s wife at the launch party on Thursday, she was asking me for restaurant suggestions because she was going to New York City this weekend. I’ll have to call Cathy tomorrow and have her call him. — Latest news: Giuliani said the fire chief and deputy chief likely were killed in the collapse. At least 200 firefighters mssing and up to 70 cops. — Stock markets closed tomorrow, but they opened in Japan to a 17-year low. — I talked to Daniel; he said go on to Denver, said if I came home I’d just end up lying around the house watching the same coverage. ... I had talked myself into going home tomorrow. I guess I’ll shove northward. Unless gas prices hit $5 a gallon as they reportedly have in a few cities around the country, where people are lining up for miles to get gas, driven by some fear of a supply interruption. Ridiculous.

Sigh. I’ve turned off CNN. I can’t watch it anymore. No news will come in tonight, and now they’re beginning to dig up the human face to the story. One man from San Francisco – family, by the look his photo – called his mother from his seat air-fone, told her he loved her, that the plane was being hijacked by three men threatening with a bomb, he repeated that he loved her, then the call went dead.

Daylight in New York in seven hours. The pictures will be grim. I am so exhausted. The climb did me in, and my legs throb. I’m emotionally exhausted, too, and suddenly very lonely. I need companionship, in Denver or Tulsa. I need to know we’re not all doomed.

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